The 12 Days of Christmas

If I was forced to sing (I don’t sing, I lip sync, no one wants to hear this voice) “The 12 Days of Christmas” I would re-write the lyrics to sing about what I really want (or just some of my favorite things) and not what some Yahoo wanted back in 1823. Here goes…la la la la!

On the first day of Christmas My True love brings to me- one black leather Kate Spade purse

On the second day of Christmas my true love brings to me- two hours of napping uninterrupted (no dogs barking, phone ringing, doorbell, etc.)

On the third day of Christmas my true love brings to me- The Ted Kenndy memoir, True Compass (hey, it’s MY version of the song).

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love brings to me- A scarf, in CASHMERE!

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love brings to me- 5 Diamond Rings!!!! Okay, this simple yet gorgeous necklace would do.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love brings to me- A box of Nehaus Chocolates. These are way too fancy, not your grandma’s Russell Stover. I had a box of these on my night table when I was a VIP-wannabe at the Bryant Park Hotel a couple of years back. Let me tell you, I savored every last one, morsel by morsel.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love brings to me- This awesome pea coat. Because I LOVE a great coat and my current black coat has seen better days.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love brings to me- A beautiful bouquet like this! Who wouldn’t want to stare at this instead of a computer screen all day? Does anyone watch 30 Rock and notice Jack’s awesome flowers on his desk every week?
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love brings to me- A deep tissue massage to work out all those kinks from my everyday stress of being, well, me.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love brings to me- This Paula Deen cookbook, who doesn’t like eating comfort food every day?
Are we out of days yet?

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love brings to me- This eye cream to erase those premature under eye lines I have recently noticed in some of my fucking pictures! It must have been the lighting…


On the twelfth day of Christmas by true love brings to me- These cozy thermal pj’s to snuggle up in under my Slanket while I watch Christmas Vacation on repeat.

Sing along now!

P.S. I don't own a Slanket or a Snuggie. That was a joke. What is the point of those things when you can just wear your robe backwards to have the same effect?