Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Post That Is Very LONNNNNGGGG

I have failed at being a good blogger while also being a mommy. I feel like I have so much more material to write about. All day I am constantly thinking about things to talk about but when the time comes and I have a spare minute, I am blank. I stare at the screen with a deer in the headlights look and wonder "what the eff?".

I have so many more emotions racing through me each day. There are days that I am down, days that I am nothing but happy. Days that I am stressed and days that I am laid back. Some days I am motivated to exercise, some days all I want to do is sit on the couch watching Food Network and snuggle with Sonya. Some days I am obsessed with keeping the house clean, while others I don't care if hubbs balls his socks up and tosses them across the room to the hamper and misses thus resulting in an endless pile of dirty balled up socks.

Being a mom is a hard job but would not trade it for anything. As a whole, I have never felt this complete. I feel like I am kind of a natural at this motherhood thing, but at the same time trying to learn the ropes. I look at other moms and see how they are able to get a feast on the table every night while juggling their careers and a couple of kids and wonder "how the heck?". Do you ever get it right? Or are you always learning as you go?

Sonya fills my heart with so much happiness. I am literally counting the days I go back to work. I can't believe I have 5 weeks left. Time has flown by. I wonder how I will be when I go back to work. Will I still be a good mom? Will I be more stressed because I will be trying to cram so many things into one day? Will dinners turn into grilled cheese and soup? These are the things that race through my head all the time.

I guess I will get more confident as time goes on, but until then I feel like a mess of emotions.


Multi-tasking Mama said...

From one working Mama to another, there is nothing wrong with grilled cheese or even the occasional Stoufer's lasagna.

Try not to stress, there isn't a mom out there that REALLY knows what they are doing. We are all flying by the seat of our pants.

MarvelousMOM said...

I have never had an infant at home (yet), but when we do have the two with us, I tell you that I (and I think Eli too) learn something each and every week. I don't think you can possibly know it all. As time goes on you find what works better for the routine you are starting to set. As for the dinner thing, I wouldn't stress over that. Some nights you have the energy and time to cook something nice. But when you are tired and things don't seem to be going that smoothly, making soup and grilled cheese works out very nice. In fact, our kids ask for that ALL THE TIME! :)

You are doing a great job.

Marni's Organized Mess said...

Someone once told me that KNOWING your a good mother, will make you one. I believe it.

Hugs! :)

Christy said...

Don't stress about it - you will be great. Women are fabulous at multitasking. And even if you're not, your husband and Sonya will think you're fabulous anyways.

Jeninacide said...

Christy is right- Women are AMAZING multitaskers. So good, in fact, that I tend to get annoyed with my husband for not being able to do 4-5 things at once. I am like, "What do you MEAN you can't work/cook/feed child/watch tv at the same time? It's EASY!!"

You'll be fine. You will appreciate your time in the office as well- even though you will be glad to get home to your family at the end of the day. I think it's nice to have one foot in the grown up world.

Jiff said...

You know, I agree with all the comments. I want to add: I'm a working mom, my baby is in daycare during the day, and hubby works full time and goes to school full time. I take care of the house, checkbook/bills, groceries, Bayley, and my 6 year old stepson. I cook dinner, do laundry, feed Bay and stepson, clean kitchen, etc all at once. It stinks having to leave Bayley at daycare, but that means I get adult, quiet time. I pick her up and can't wait to give her hugs and kisses. I cherish the time we have together until bedtime, when I carry her snoozing self to her bed. Daycare gives her socialization and helps give her a more structured routine. She's worn out and ready for bed at the same time every night and it's so much easier.

All that said, emotional rollercoasters are normal, feeling like a good mom and then looking around and realizing there are things you're clueless about...totally normal. I think you're doing an amazing job. Sonya does too. :)