Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Diary of an Escape Artist

My formal name is Patty, as in Peppermint Patty. However, through the past years I have adopted many other names thus am rarely called my formal name unless company is over. My parents (Missy Marshmallow and Hubbs) usually call me “Pussy Pickles” (like Pussy Cat) or “Kitty” but mostly just “Puss” (pronounced puuh-us).

I have recently mastered the art of escaping unnoticed for a period of time in the evening hours after that toddler has gone to bed and while my parents are cleaning the kitchen, watching their TIVO’d shows or checking their Facebook pages. The door into the garage floats open if it is not shut properly, a perfect way for me to get the heck out of dodge. Since I am an indoor feline, all I do all day is sleep or wish I was outside frolicking with other felines.
In the past week I have sneaked out about three times, and each time I was soon discovered in the backyard like a pathetic rodent not knowing where to go. As soon as they open the back door I go running back in because, hey, that’s all I know!

Though last night, I grew some balls and decided to venture a bit further. I heard my parents calling my name for a half hour. I heard them circle the block on foot and in their car with their windows down, shining their brights on houses, trying to see if their precious kitty had flipped them the bird once and for all. My mom was quite worried I could tell. I could hear her yell at the Hubbs to find a better flashlight instead of the mini-SOLAR powered Mag-Lite rip off from the Dollar Store.

I made it into the backyard behind our house when some monster sized cat looking for a good time approached me. It was at that time that my mom heard this scuffling behind the house that she located my wherabouts, hollered for Hubbs and began to climb the massive oak tree to hurdle the fence.

It was at this point I wanted to get back home. The monster cat scurried off into the bushes. I tried to climb the fence back over but my lack of outside skills kept me grounded. It started to rain. Hubbs and Missy S barked at eachother about who was going to go into the neighbor’s backyard to retrieve me and risk getting shot by the home owners. Finally, they figured things out and Hubbs came and got me, handed me to my mom who carried me back into the house. I was a drowned rat. But, I had a blast. After a quick drink of water, I curled up on top of my mom’s new pea coat and snuggled there the rest of the night. Suckers.

Sneaky McSneakerson

3 comments:

Jeninacide said...

LOL! I remember when I had indoor cats that ALWAYS tried to escape so finally I just stopped caring and I cannot GET the things to run away. They just love it outside!

CamilaPlumme said...

Give a fool enough rope and he will hang himself. ....................................................

Christy said...

I somehow missed the point of his post at first. I was thinking "why is Missy running around the woods outside her house?" Then I realized you were writing from the perspective of your cat. Duh.